Free To A Good Home: One Snoring Bar-steward

I’m offering you the chance to own your very own snoring bar-steward.

What’s more, this particular deal for a snoring bar-steward is not just thrifty, it’s completely free.

The snoring bar-steward is house trained to a competent standard, requires feeding no more than three times per day and is in good working order, however it should be kept out of the reach of children as it can get a bit narky if provoked.




Features

    • Daily 14 hour sleeping capability.
    • Boom-Bar surround sound system.
    • Sound effects including, but not limited to – Jet engine, T-Rex, zombie apocalypse, mating wildebeest.
    • 0.00473 second snooze function.
    • Anti poke, shake and slap resistance.

I'm offering you the chance to own your very own snoring bar-steward. What's more, this particular deal for a snoring bar-steward is not just thrifty, it's completely free. The snoring bar-steward is house trained to a competent standard, requires feeding no more than three times per day and is in good working order, however it should be kept out of the reach of children as it can get a bit narky if provoked.

Disclosure

After a few years you will give great consideration to the following:

      • Bad karma – Making a list of the people you ever wronged throughout your life, complete with a plan of action of how you are going to make it right again to reestablish balance in the Force . You will spend countless hours pondering how on Earth you could have ever been such a twunk of epic proportions in life to deserve this sort of torture in the first place.
      • Forcibly reducing noise pollution – Cello-taping their face shut, plugging every possible orifice their snoring little mush has to offer. Suffocation dangers will not be high on your priority list.
      • Frantic medical demands – Trips to A&E demanding a doctor places you in a medically induced coma so you may be afforded the luxury of forty winks, will be commonplace.
      • Joining a Buddhist retreat – The thought of living within a silent community will never sound more appealing after enduring the snoring shit storm for so long.
      • Murder – You will often wake from a trance like state holding a pillow, hovering just that little bit too close to their head for the law to be completely comfortable with.

It can deliver itself, there is a no return policy, and all enquiries are welcome.

***Please be aware you may never sleep again.***


Pin for later

I'm offering you the chance to own your very own snoring bar-steward. What's more, this particular deal for a snoring bar-steward is not just thrifty, it's completely free. The snoring bar-steward is house trained to a competent standard, requires feeding no more than three times per day and is in good working order, however it should be kept out of the reach of children as it can get a bit narky if provoked.

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David Jack Taylor is the founder and editor of the Thinking Thrifty blog. An award winning personal finance and lifestyle blogger, he shows how it is possible to live extremely well for less.
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3 thoughts on “Free To A Good Home: One Snoring Bar-steward

  1. I love your wit and humour! I already have the joy of hearing occasional snoring and can relate to the sound effects. In fact, I’ll add the zoo experience and animal farm to the mix.

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