The slushy, mushy, lovey dovey, puke fest that is Valentine’s Day is almost upon us.
If you haven’t already guessed, I’m not a massive fan, neither myself, nor PK have a single romantic bone in our bodies.
It embarrasses us and generally makes us feel a little sick – sorry to you romantic souls out there but you can’t please everyone and all that.
What particularly irks me is the consumerism bull shizzle it attempts to disguise, because let’s face it, Valentine’s Day is about getting money out of your pocket again after the lull following Christmas.
Do you honestly think the retailers give a flying flip flop about how nice you are to your partners and significant others?
Only if it means you going home with an overpriced piece of tat made in China!
Here are my various reasons for hating Valentine’s Day:
Be nice to me all year round
This is the one thing that makes me lol the most about Valentine’s Day.
Why can’t you just be nice and thoughtful to your significant other all year round?
If one day makes you suddenly realise that you need to do something nice for your other half, maybe you should consider if you’re with the right person.
Make more of an effort throughout the year, and I’m not talking presents either.
Go out of your way to do something that will make a genuine difference to your partner, maybe that is as simple as picking your socks up more often, who knows?
One thing is for certain, if grand gestures is the only thing keeping you together, you’re doomed.
Start being nice to the special person in your life everyday, it won’t kill you I promise.
Restaurants open daily
Yes, believe it or not, restaurants are open and ready to take your custom any day of the week, not just on Valentine’s Day.
Why people go through the stress of scrambling round for a table on what they know is likely to be one of the busiest days of the year is beyond me.
Not only that, prices rise, it’s overly packed out, you’re sat on top of all the other mugs who have been blagged into it and service is generally slower due to the massive influx in footfall.
If you really want to go out, book for another night and use a bloody voucher where possible to get the cost down.
Make some effort
Following on from point two above, why not just make some effort and cook something yourself.
Knowing that someone has taken time to go out of their way to cook me something means much more to me than an expensive meal out.
Plus, I don’t have to listen to other folks slop over each other why I’m eating my steak.
Stop with the PDAs already, you’re making the rest of us nauseous.
Do something, don’t buy something
Maybe I’m speaking from a minimalists point of view, but hey ho I’ll continue anyway.
I can’t ever remember really needing or wanting a teddy since I was around three years old, so why just because we’ve reached February 14 would I need one now?
I don’t need any of the other associated Valentine’s Day shizzle that is stocked floor to ceiling on the lead up either – does anybody for that matter?
No, I would much rather I came home to a clean bathroom or my dinner on.
You know, something that needs doing that I’d rather not have to do myself?
Keep your money in your pocket.
We live in a digital world
We have this little thing called progress going on in the world, one where we’re moving away from paper and onto digital.
On that basis, why the funk would you send me a card – FOR ANYTHING?
OK, I know grandmas love them, and to be fair they are from a different era, long before the days of iPads and the like.
But, come on, what a complete waste of money a card is.
They sit there for a few days max and then find themselves in a bin – crap for your pocket and the environment to boot.
Be creative, be cost effective and be serious when it comes to buying cards.
If you really feel the need to spend something, make a donation to charity on their behalf.
If they have anything about them, it will give them a warm fuzzy feeling inside greater than any card with pre-written words could muster.
Singling out single people
Yeah there is nothing quite like Valentine’s Day to make single people think about how they haven’t found the one yet.
Don’t get me wrong, I have friends who are very happily single, especially those ones who have had to endure a giant douche bag in their life, however for some it’s just a reminder it hasn’t happened for them yet and is a little bit of a kick in the guts.
Spare a thought for others as you gushingly post all day long on social media about how amazing ‘bae’ is.
P.S. if you do use the word ‘bae’ remove yourself from my life.
I’m not quite the grouch this post has made me out to be.
I love my better half dearly and have enjoyed ten years of bliss, I just feel I owe it to show it all year round, not just on days retailers would like access to my wallet!
Valentine’s Day can, quite frankly, do one as we say in Manchester.
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