He’d have done less time for murder, yet somehow this patient little fecker is still putting up with my shiz.
On our eleventh anniversary there’s a few things I’d like to say thank you for.
PK, this one is for you.
Thank you for never changing
There is nothing worse than someone falling ‘madly in love with you’ because you’re soooooooo amazing, only to find not six months down the line all the things they so called loved about you in the first place now completely ruins their very existence – keep walking sweet heart!
Fuck that shit, we are who we are, and we’ve never for one day lost sight of that, hooray for reasonable us, not that hard is it?
It’s a brave person who puts beans on my plate, over the years you’ve realised just how important this is to me – phew.
Strict consultation on the potential touching of any ingredient is paramount in my culinary thoughts, and thankfully you get this.
Conducting a full scale interview with regards to the locking of doors after I’ve just observed you doing it is standard procedure, and you just accept the drill.
You’ve most probably got your seat belt on, are within the legal speed limit of the land, have seen the car approaching as we’re turning out of the street and are within recommended driving instructor distance from the car ahead, but I’m going to check anyway.
Let’s not discuss the uniform positioning of plates on the table right now.
There is no point bickering about it, thankfully we’re both on the same DJT Habit McHabitson of Habitsville page.
Not many people would understand or put up with it, but you do because you’re mint.
Calm under pressure, preempting where possible, and not giving in under a barrage of mithering all the time to establish firm boundaries, traits that have served you well these past 11 years.
I’m not keen on ‘I’ll do it in a minute’, you’re not keen on ‘if I wanted you to do it in a minute I’d have asked you in a minute’.
Thankfully after 11 years we’ve both just agreed I’m absolutely hilarious and my impatience is utterly endearing – you lucky bugger.
Nobody finds farts more hysterically funny than I do, the louder the better in my humble opinion.
However, if anyone let one rip against my leg, the way I try my utmost best to do to you daily, I’d most probably be serving time at Her Majesty’s pleasure by now.
Thank you for understanding that MY farts are piss your pants hilarious, and your’s are not.
I function on very little sleep, however I think it is fair to say I’m the most fun person in the morning that ever lived.
With my array of guaranteed to make you smile wake up games, such as Airport Sniffer Dogs – Ear Patrol, Ninja Turtles and Who has the most ticklish knees?, it’s safe to say it’s Pat Sharp’s Fun House on a daily basis in our gaff.
Just think what boring lives normal people lead waking up in peace – yawn.
I’m only having one then I’m coming straight home
We both know this is, and will always continue to be a lie until the day I die and there is no reason to discuss it any further.
See how understanding we are of each other?
Never Ever would I turn it down for anyone but you.
Thank you for understanding my food, is my food.
I don’t do platters for two, three or four, I’ve never shared a bag of chips in my life, and if my steak looks nicer than your’s, tough!
If you want it, you order it, I didn’t order accordingly to accommodate everyone else’s hunger and you understand the deal that you signed up for perfectly, you’re awesome.
Enter the dragon
When you first unleashed the dragon into my life there were a few teething problems as she struggled with my over all awesomeness.
But now my lovely mother-in-law accepts me as the wonderful blessing to her life that I am, and we love each other much.
I gained a little sister and a nephew by being a part of your family, which is adequate compensation for inflicting your mum upon me.
Knowing you’re right, whilst also being aware that I’m about to provide concrete proof that you’re wrong.
Your only hope?
Join forces with the girls!
Yes, you’ve learned over the years the only hope any of you have is to come together in numbers.
PK, Jackie (mum), Rachael, Carmen and Anna form the almighty NAGATRON!
And together you feckers make me see it!
Love you all dearly xxx
Your greatest achievement.
Nobody was good enough for her son until you came along you perfect bar steward.
Congratulations golden balls, my mum now prefers you!!!
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